


Island Identity

by Rhidee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Always June Egbert, Another work thats 90 percent based on heather flower's games, Author's Favorite, Family Fluff, Found Family, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Dave Strider, Genderqueer, Introspection, Multi, POV Dave Strider, Post-Canon Fix-It, Robot Gender Fun, gender euphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhidee/pseuds/Rhidee
Summary: Dave gets a goddamn break just in time to have a crisis, stumble into no less than three walls, and maybe find himself along the way.-DAVE:  come on karkles educate the human masses on the superiority of troll gender rolesKARKAT:  FUCK IT WHY NOT
Relationships: (Minor), Auto-Responder | Lil Hal & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56





	Island Identity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TalkLess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkLess/gifts).



> Okay so this is dedicated in part to TalkLess who left some nice comments on my last dave fic, im going to leave it to completely random chance if they see this or not though. But they made me really want to deliver on genderfluid dave.  
> I'm going to get some stuff out of the way before we hop in because i didnt build up a great tonal time to ruin it with long endnotes so-  
> Maya kern skirts- https://store.mayakern.com/product-category/apparel/skirts/
> 
> stimtastic bracelets- https://www.stimtastic.co/stim-jewelry/phone-cord-bracelets?rq=phone%20cord
> 
> art of dave in a skirt (please interact w/ it i trained for years to draw him)- [edit 2020 because it's off the internet! Rip!]

It started with the bracelets.

Well okay, it didn’t start EXACTLY with the bracelets. It started at 2am, on the big old island everyone on the game had more or less moved onto, with Dave staring off into the waves.

The waves reminded him of Dirk, or rather, it had reminded him of Dirk, then of his bro. Which was probably mildly rude to Dirk, but well, Dirk had used all of their hair gel supplies and now his hair was sticking up, so Dirk can suffer.

Hal was his favorite right now anyway.

But no, his bro. It was a tough subject. Fitting for late night insomnia, but so fitting for staying up late and not feeling the crushing weight of your life experiences pushing down your beliefs on new situations.

Dave’s favorite color was pink, and he remembered once saying that, six years old and probably smelling like the horrible love child of applesauce and hot pockets, which he ate together religiously. Bro hadn’t said anything. He usually didn’t. 

The next day, he was given some red shoes, and that was that.

So Dave called red his favorite color. It was close enough, wasn’t it? Okay, it wasn’t, but that logic had lasted him through the game, through years, all the way here in some nebulous zone between 19 and 54. But now he kind of was questioning it.

It wasn’t an outright rejection; it was an alternative. It was almost rational, I mean, of course bro wouldn’t want to deal with the drama of a little boy running around in pink, it was Texas, 2001. So maybe bro was shielding him.

Or maybe he was ignoring the drama of a pansy for a brother.

Dave…well, who could guess? Not him.

He ran his hand through the sand, pushed it absentmindedly into a little mound.

It’s not like anyone really had to know he had a taste for the more feminine, anyway. It’s not like they could tell. Half the island were literal aliens, a fourth of the humans were raised in isolation, and actually Dave wasn’t sure he could even name anyone who would have had a lot of social influence growing up. Dirk and June’s movie watching, maybe, but Dirk still stumbled about cultural stuff and June…

June probably wouldn’t care? She’d been busy catching up with her dad, almost obsessively.

God they needed therapy. Anyway.

Would rose notice?

….Rose might notice.

Was he cool with that?

Yes? They’d been working on the whole psychoanalysis thing, and Kanaya was good for her.

He could totally get away with something.

But what?

So, he thought, and the sun slowly rose, and the sand around him became more shifted and shaped, and eventually.

Bracelets.

-

The island got helicopter delivery, probably from paying a private company an obscene amount of money to keep an entire island on the down low. The problem was, of course, the trolls.

Or, as he liked to call it, “Vriska and co”.

It wasn’t like Tavros was out there, but well.

Vriska, Terezi, Gamzee, hell even Nepeta and Equius, they got so bored on the island they had decided to do a hunger games rush whenever the stuff dropped, claiming whatever they found as their own and only letting it go with a bunch of hassle. It was probably for the best the sea dwellers were too busy ignoring each other on opposite sides of the island to get involved, because shit was already hard without any long range fighters.

Really, there was zero goddamn reason to make shit this complex. They had no reason to fight anymore, and fuck, Dave was so tired of fighting.

…Actually.

-

TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOU W3R3 4BOUT TO 4SK VR1SK4 OF 4LL P3OPL3 FOR 4N 4SS1ST

He wasn’t, that was plan E, but she didn’t need to know that.

TEREZI: H3R3 YOU GO COOLK1D, YOU OW3 M3 ON3

Dave didn’t fumble with the box, but emotionally he was totally fumbling with the box, like shit, this was really happening.

DAVE: thanks tez youre a lifesaver

DAVE: actually wait have you had lifesavers yet

T3R3Z1: NOP3!

DAVE: i am about to blow your fucking mind

-

God he loved shooting the shit with Terezi, but not as much as he currently loved watching her leave.

He opened the box and it was so many fucking bracelets, just fucking exploding everywhere, a miasma of styling fashions, absolutely bombtastic feeling fucking fantastic.

He shoved his hand in the mish mash of telephone cord bracelets, brightly garnish and just the choice amount of ironic that they rounded around back to massively fucking appealing and then right on back to passable as iconic. He felt his hand close around a bracelet, pulled it out and sent bracelets everywhere, and then captchalogued the entire box. 

He looked down at his palm and in it was a fruity looking telephone cord bracelet. Green, pinks, whatever other colors are supported by the starburst marketing team.

He smiled.

Oh.

Oh hell yeah.

-

90 bracelets. And each one made Dave feel happy in a fizzy sort of way. Soda pop pink, securely held within him but ready to explode with joy if he started talking about it.

90 fucking bracelets. That’s enough for almost a quarter of a year. That’s enough to get to wear a new one every day for 90 fucking days, maybe even longer if he chose a day or two to not wear them. But fuck, why would he do that? This was the fucking best. He felt like the prettiest girl in the ball, like if cinderella went feral and started breakdancing and became the queen that way, Six the musical Get Down style.

God that was a good song. And that’s how Dave felt, fucking unstoppable, it was literally such a small thing but well. It was great.

He wore the pinker, girlier ones on days he wasn’t going to see anyone. For an island everyone was amazingly good at not running into each other on accident, probably due to how many people were completely isolating in their own houses. Well, sounds like a problem for someone else, because right now Dave was fucking resplendent, he literally could not be more fantastic feeling.

Which he maybe should have remarked on, before this point.

KARKAT: OKAY SO YOU HAVENT BLOWN UP MY MESSAGES WITH FIFTY THOUSAND WORDS OF JACK SHIT LATELY ARE YOU OKAY

KARKAT: CAUSE I SWEAR IF I HAVE TO GET MY ASS TO WHATEVER HOLE YOU’VE CRAWLED INTO TO CHECK ON YOU IM GOING TO FLIP INTO THE OCEAN AND LET ERIDANS UNRESOLVED ISSUES SWALLOW ME WHOLE

DAVE: no im actually really good

DAVE: like damn d stri is in the house and is killing it

DAVE: my sick beats are fucking shaking the walls and they’re just donating the entire place to me in mad respect for my technobeat remix of dora

KARKAT: BIG IF TRUE

KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE WITH THE REST OF THIS MONTLEY CREW OF ASSHOLES ITD BE GREAT IF YOU WERE OKAY

KARKAT: BUT IF YOU ARENT THEN UHHH

KARKAT: I HAVE ENDLESS FREETIME FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY

DAVE: no im genuinely fan fucking tastic you can focus on wrangling your ex clown friend and our ex uncomfortable quadrant

KARKAT: I SWEAR IM NOT THEIR AUSPISTICE

DAVE: i don’t know i sense clubs in the air

KARKAT: TO QUOTE KANAYAS NEW OBSESSION

KARKAT: YOUR VIBES ARE ALL FUCKED UP AND YOURE WRONG AND AN IDIOT

DAVE: kanaya said all that ?

KARKAT: ARTISTIC LISCENSE

KARKAT: BUT ANYWAY IS THERE A REASON YOU’VE BEEN ABSENT FROM EVERY SHENANIGIN THIS MONTH?

KARKAT: IF YOU NEED ME TO GO OUT THERE AND SHOVE YOUR DEPRESSED ASS OUT OF BED I WILL DO IT AND NOT EVEN ARADIAS FLUSHFLIRTING WITH FEFERI CAN STOP ME

DAVE: wow jesus i have missed a lot

DAVE: im good but uh

DAVE: actually can i ask a few completely random questions?

KARKAT: YEAH

DAVE: so like hypothetically did alternia have anything about gender roles

KARKAT: ABOUT WHAT

DAVE: like you know a guy wearing pink or a girl eating a gigantic steak or whatever

KARKAT: HAVE YOU MET TEREZI

DAVE: heh, okay good point

KARKAT: BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW

DAVE: i do

DAVE: come on karkles educate the human masses on the superiority of troll gender roles

KARKAT: FUCK IT WHY NOT

KARKAT: OKAY ADMITTEDLY ALMOST EVERYTHING I KNOW IS FROM BOOKS AND MOVIES BUT BEING THE UNOFFICIAL GOSSIPCHUM TO EVERYONE ON THIS ISLAND HAS CONFIRMED ALMOST EVERYTHING

KARKAT: BUT WHATEVER YOUR LUSUS ASSIGNS YOU COULD HAVE BEEN CHANGED WHEN YOU JOINED FISHBITCHES ARMADA, OR AT ANY POINT IF YOU WERE A HIGHBLOOD

DAVE: hypothetically what determines what your lusus assigns

KARKAT: FUCK ALL

DAVE: fuck all? Like nothing?

KARKAT: YEAH ITS NOT LIKE THERE’S ANY BIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES

DAVE: theres….not?

KARKAT: YEAH WHAT ARE YOU JOHN YOU’RE NOT USUALLY THIS DENSE

DAVE: its just new

DAVE: i don’t know

DAVE: are you saying if i uh

DAVE: saw you naked

DAVE: it’d look the same as terezi?

KARKAT: OKAY FIRSTLY JESUS FUCK YOU ARE NOT IN MY QUADRANTS AND THAT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE ON ALL LEVELS

KARKAT: ALSO YES SURE YOU GOT ME, JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE THE SAME GENERAL BIOLOGY MEANS THAT ME AND MY EX FLUSHCRUSH WHATEVER HAVE COMPLETELY IDENTICAL FUCKING BODIES, YOU DID IT YOU CRACKED THE DUMBASSERY CODE, IDIOTFUCKS AROUND THE WORLD ARE NOW BOWING TO YOUR AMAZING POWER, HOWEVER WILL WE REPAY THIS GENIUS, THEY CRY

KARKAT: HE’S ENLIGHTENED US TO SUCH NEW LEVELS OF BEAUTIFUL BRAINCELL DESTRUCTION, LISTENING TO HIM MAKES ME TOSS AWAY EARTHLY PLEASURES LIKE BEING ABLE TO FIND MY OWN ASSHOLE AND EMBRACE HAVING TWO BRAIN CELLS RATTLING AROUND IN MY THINKPAN LIKE POPCORN KERNALS

KARKAT: YOU XENOPHOBIC IDIOT

DAVE: okay yeah that was completely fucking inappropriate sorry

KARKAT: GOOD

DAVE: secondly im also sorry i shouldn’t compare you naked to anyone let alone terezi

DAVE: i just wasn’t prepared for the lack of sexual dimorphism

DAVE: you do know that humans are way different though right

KARKAT: YES IM CAPABLE OF TAKING A HINT WHEN IT HITS ME IN THE HEAD AND IS NAMED JOHN EGBERT

DAVE: im still like really sorry

KARKAT: GET YOUR PANTIES OUT OF A BUNCH I FORGIVE YOU

DAVE: oh thank god

KARKAT: YOU STILL OWE ME THOUGH

DAVE: romance books?

KARKAT: ROMANCE BOOKS

KARKAT: AND NONE OF THAT HORSE FUCKING MAMMALIAN SHIT

DAVE: the centaurs were amazing but I understand if you cant enjoy the blinding brilliance of them

DAVE: actually

DAVE: has anyone introduced you to fanfiction yet? 

KARKAT: NO?

DAVE: oh hell yeah lets get meta babey

DAVE: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/18894967>

-

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –

TT: Can I have a moment of your time?

TG: yeah sure rose whats up

TT: I have found myself in a bit of a….

TT: predicament.

TT: I’m hoping for a listening ear.

TG: like a listening helpful ear or a giant hole to dump your thoughts into

TT: More along the lines of the hole, but if you have insight I would certainly be thankful.

TG: okay hit me

TT: Recently I have been put into a bit of an uncomfortable situation regarding Kanaya.

TG: like is she pressuring you or something because i cant kick her ass but i can certainly try

TT: Oh no, nothing along unsavory lines.

TT: It is simply that the ebb and flow of our relationship has left certain assumptions made.

TT: Leaving me entrapped in a bit of a web of untruthful assumptions that would challenge a lot about our relationship should I address them.

TG: what did you lie to her about something?

TT: Not as such.

TT: It’s better to say that the shared cultural assumptions reliant on the way I present myself came to ‘bite me in the ass’.

TT: Specifically, regarding my more feminized aspects.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I certainly find joy in knitting and the unfathomable depths of cthulu mythos, for more reasons than the fascinating look into one mans foolish hatred for non-rich white men and the abstract concept of change.

TT: But gender-based assumptions regarding those things, specifically Kanaya’s assumptions, has left me the recipient of several unwanted gifts.

TT: Dresses, specifically. A large amount.

TG: i mean that seems like not a hugely wrong assumption like she hardly assumed you love freud

TG: it seems like it could fit your whole deal

TT: It does, doesn’t i?

TT: And therein lies my problem.

TT: She is not behaving cruelly or illogically.

TT: And yet her gifts ring inaccurate and are quite uncomfortable to receive.

TT: Perhaps I simply feel

TT: Disconnected from the concept of femininity.

TT: I would not go so far as to say I am not a woman, but I don’t find the traditional expressions of womanhood to my liking.

TT: If I had to redefine myself as a non cis individual, which by no means do I intend to do

TT: I suppose I’d place lesbianism as my most predominant gendered identity.

TT: I don’t feel connected to womanhood, but I feel connected to same sex attraction through the means of womanhood.

TT: Perhaps that’s more a reflection of the everchanging shift in national and queer studies vocabulary than an actual reflection of my sense of self, but yet I find meaning in it.

TT: And it’s through this meaning that I find Kanaya’s gifts…devoid of meaning.

TT: It is unpleasant to feel so unknown by someone who means so much.

TT: But I would genuinely hate to make it seem as if her effort and the worth she puts in her crafting abilities were for nothing.

TT: That creation for the wrong goal is inherently worthless.

TT: And there is of course the everlasting fear that her perceptions of me is who she is truly in love with, and when I am exposed as who I actually am she will not find any affection when she looks upon me.

TG: i don’t really think that’s likely

TT: I know.

TG: ill be honest rose im not sure what made me the best choice for this

TG: like dont get me wrong I really feel what youre saying but im not exactly a wellspring of good advice

TT: Is the fact that you’re my brother not enough?

TG: i mean yeah of course but usually you have multiple layers of your oniony motivations and im trying to pull back the first so we can cut into the other juicier ones underneath

TT: You’ve started wearing more feminine accessories

TG: whoops! nevermind actually we should swerve this shit like nascar racers clearly this is not the right track

TG: its like princess peach and her abuses of monarchal power in supermario cart like maam this is but a lowly cattle farm must you race here

TG: yes absolutely, peach cries, let them eat cake

TG: speaking of which how long do you think before the proletariat mushrooms stage a coup to dethrone the absentee queen slash princess slash racer

TT: Additionally, in the gossip circle we all participate in, your weak link is Karkat.

TT: Who is everyone’s weak link and therefore a good conductor of our shared informational flow.

TG: so i appealed because im being a loner and dont open up to people?

TT: Well when you put it that way it doesn’t sound nearly as good.

TT: Let’s just say I find you… excessively reliable and trustworthy.

TT: Additionally, Princess Peach will be dethroned when her youthful looks fail to bring in the merchandising money the kingdom needs to survive.

TG: well shit i cant argue with that

TG: her nubile lips and come hither ankles are the backbone of the mushroom economy

TG: how else will they prevent the damages from Mario and Bowser from sending them into financial ruin

TG: but anyway thats all beside the point

TG: i think you should talk to kanaya

TT: Do you perhaps have a more in character suggestion?

TG: no

TG: like

TG: dude that really seems like numero uno on the fix your stress to do list

TG: youre way too caught up in this worry that her assumptions of you are going to break your relationship

TG: but everything youre saying is based on your assumptions of her too

TG: i know its always a possibility with relationships that people are like

TG: way more in love with the idea of you than who you actually are

TG: but considering how kanaya stood by you when you were having mad alcoholism problems and also while you were being strong and independent

TG: i dont think its likely this is that sort of situation

TG: but even if it is true isnt it like

TG: better to find out now than wait like

TG: several years until you find yourself in a loveless marriage through the whims of an unwanted continuation of your forced relevance to the narrative flow

TG: forced into fake hatred of a situation simply because peace and domesticity doesnt sell nearly as much as divorce court

TG: you catch my drift?

TT: Oddly specific but I think I catch your ‘drift’

TT: I suppose that there’s some merit to the idea of discussing this directly with Kanaya.

TG: im just saying dude it seems like all this shits in your head

TG: and what youre actually worried about isnt that big at all

TT: The same could be said about your background presentation crisis.

TT: The world will not end if you feel more comfortable in your sense of self, David.

TG: background presentation crisis who the only thing going on in my background is a life of total self assured identity in which i am totally having a great and fantastic time and nothing at all is going wrong

TG: in fact lets revisit old concepts since the now is such a peaceful and wonderful place lets talk about how freudian concepts of my youth made me gay do you think it was the constant smuppet asses or the alluring moves of tony hawk that turned me gay

TG: or was god making an mixtape in heaven and was like yeah lets drop 100 reason to remember the name in there so this fool wants to queer it up

TT: Well from my knowledge of you as well as numerous readings into the issue of psychology

TT: I have no clue.

TT: Basically, any psychologist worth the paper their degree is printed on would say that nurture activates nature, and that a mix of the two is what makes up who you are.

TT: But that has no rational bearing on how you should perceive yourself.

TT: Your ‘sexuality’ crisis, or rather the new shoes you’ve put on the same gender crisis dog.

TT: Is as much a natural part of you as any individual facet of your personality.

TT: It is as much a part of you as your love of animal cadavers. It is part of who you have allowed yourself to be.

TT: I don’t think we live in a world where things are predetermined.

TT: I think we live in a world where we all pursue our individual aspirations, and the intangible flows of aligning and contrasting wants form the reality we live in.

TT: So, I suppose what I’m saying is just because you don’t feel secure in your gender now doesn’t invalidate how you felt previously.

TT: You were not dumb or foolish to connect with being cis. The way you feel now doesn’t invalidate who you used to be previously, it just adds new depth and potential into your future.

TG: wow rose really hitting the heavy beats tonight

TG: im regretting not giving some fancy in depth advice to your thing

TT: No, don’t be deterred from your particular style of advice giving.

TT: You gave me precisely what I was looking for.

TT: You were blunt and forward. You basically told me to get my head out of my ass, and well, sometimes that is exactly the advice I need.

TT: Thank you.

TG: glad to help rose anytime you need to de-head your asshole im standing with bated breath waiting for the opportunity

TT: Well, you hardly need to go so far as that, David.

TT: I am a firm believer that incestuous relationships should not be pursued.

TG: oh jeez rose not like that

TT: hahaha

-

HALEXANDER VON BON BON: Dirk misses you.

DAVE: oh holy shit don’t sneak up on me like that

Dave turned his minor flail to a very cool lean on a tree. Then there was a description of the scenery so cool that it was redacted and I put this shit instead.

DAVE: uh

DAVE: only dirk?

HALEXANDER VON BON BON: Okay, I missed you too. See this? This is me getting mushy. I’m the mushy one, I’ve decided.

DAVE: aw man and here i thought i was going to be the mushy strider

DAVE: also are you still going by halexander von bon bon or have you finished pissing dirk off?

HALEXANDER VON BON BON: Never. But yeah, I’m going by Halchigo now.

DAVE: …like that bleach guy?

HALCHIGO: …maybe

DAVE: “cool”

HALCHIGO: Did you really just say “Quotation mark cool quotation mark”?

DAVE: did YOU really just say quotation quotation mark cool quotation mark quotation question mark

HALCHIGO: The people were astonished at his doctrine.

HALCHIGO: Anyway I do actually have a point for being here. 

HALCHIGO: Do you want me to stealth you some skirts, bro?

DAVE: uh what

HALCHIGO: Skirts, my brochoncho. My no homo bromeo. Would you like me to get you some skirts? Me and Dirk set up some underwater shit ages ago for mail.

DAVE: why would i want skirts? i’m the manliest man on this island. horsedude sees me and swoons.

Halchigo looked him up and down. Then his pokerface emote moved about an inch to the right.

HALCHIGO: As someone who was previously part of that horsedude, ehhhh. 2/10.

DAVE: whoa holy shit why such a bad rating

HALCHIGO: Lowblood.

DAVE: ah

DAVE:

HALCHIGO:

DAVE:

HALCHIGO: So like, skirts?

DAVE: ughhhhhhhhhh yeah but how did you know

HALCHIGO: Unlike our shared brother, I possess ‘functioning eyes’ and ‘the ability to pull my head out of my own ass before the hints take the weight of a semitruck’.

DAVE: so rose told you?

HALCHIGO: Yeah Rose totally told me. She’s cool like that.

HALCHIGO: She said I was “The best pick who would still be able to connect through his irony filters” and “A stunning example of human development without gendered assignment at conception”.

DAVE: uh

DAVE: does that mean

DAVE: i mean hypothetically speaking are you like

DAVE: not a dude?

HALCHIGO: My gender is, to put it simply

HALCHIGO: Cool as Hell.

HALCHIGO: But no, being a dude doesn’t really pass my ‘vibe check’. 

HALCHIGO: You’re in his ‘male’ dms. I’m in a cloud system backed up with game mechanics. We’re not the same.

DAVE: oh my god dude im begging you to stop trying to be hip with the kids

HALCHIGO: I came out to have a nice time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now.

DAVE: bro

HALCHIGO: Warning for screenreaders! I’m about to pull some bullshit.

DAVE: dude this is a verbal conversation wh-

HALCHIGO:

_______________________

| ___________________ |

| | I’m Agender wake | |

| | UP cissies | |

| |___________________| |

| | 7 | | 8 | | 9 | | + | | |

| | | 4 | | 5 | | 6 | | - | |

| | | 1 | | 2 | | 3 | | x || |

| | . || 0 || = | | / | | |

|______________________|

DAVE: holy shit

HALCHIGO: So… Yeah.

DAVE: wait oh crap youre coming out to me

HALCHIGO: I see semitrucks run in the family.

DAVE: its good for you! im totally glad you told me, all my gladness is popping out, im engineering the cybertruck in joy, im becoming a multibillionaire philanthropist and oh god this really isn’t going anywhere anyway I think im also not a dude oh shit wait

HALCHIGO: Cool!

HALCHIGO: Oh my fucking god! These bitches not cis! Good for them! Good for them.

DAVE: pfft

HALCHIGO: Uh

HALCHIGO: Bro is that a tear.

DAVE: …not legally

He rubbed his eyes under his shades. Halchigo managed to display raw panic without doing any visible movements.

HALCHIGO: Well fuck I gotta endorse law breaking.

HALCHIGO: You drop those teary beats, the cops can’t catch you and neither can god.

HALCHIGO: Do you need a hug?

DAVE: 

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: yeah i think so

HALCHIGO: Oh thank god

They hugged. It was awesome. 

DAVE: so uh does dirk really not notice me that bad lol

HALCHIGO: Oh no dude it isn't like that.

HALCHIGO: He's just...Busy.

HALCHIGO: Loudly ignoring Jake.

DAVE: oh

HALCHIGO: Yeah.

DAVE: is that weird? i thought you sort of had a crush on jake for a while

HALCHIGO: Ehhhh, I did, but denying my existence as a thinking being is a big turn off.

HALCHIGO: Also I think I might like Roxy?

DAVE: i thought you were like, totally one hundo percent gay

HALCHIGO: Maybe Dirk is, I don't really know. But I don't think I actually feel against a relationship with Roxy? I think I just don't want to be in a straight relationship.

HALCHIGO: I don't know, I don't think there's words for stuff like this. And I have been looking.

HALCHIGO: But I sort of feel like it doesn’t need words?

HALCHIGO: Maybe I’ve been spending too much time playing radical trans indie games.

DAVE: playing what?

HALCHIGO: I’ll link you a Genderwrecked download page.

HALCHIGO: I’ve bought it 666 times.

HALCHIGO: It helped me realize that gender is all conceptual anyway and if I want I can totally just identify as a formless burning ball of flame

HALCHIGO: Which, I’m not. If anything, I’m technology strewn on the floor of a forgotten lab, lying amongst test tubes and unidentified dried stains.

HALCHIGO: With only the dustbunnies from a long forgotten air conditioning system to keep me company. 

HALCHIGO: But with a little Hatsune miku in it too. Just a tad.

DAVE: i almost get what you‘re saying and its cool as hell

HALCHIGO: Hell yeah it is. I thought of it.

HALCHIGO: But that’s really complex to explain so. Agender works fast enough when I’m arguing on the internet. If not just queer.

HALCHIGO: I have different accounts depending on if I want to argue about it or not.

DAVE: wait what account do i follow

HALCHIGO: Lil Nas stan account.

DAVE: okay yeah that tracks

-

Halabama the fifth (“who were the other four” “Wouldn’t you like to know :}”) dropped off the large box of skirts sometime in the night. Like, literally sometime at night. Dave had no clue when he had shown up and even less clue how Halabama (the fifth) had gotten it into his room without waking him.

Dave opened the box, his hands vibrating with excitement and nerves and who knows what. The bracelet on his wrist (red, with ‘iris’ printed on it, which was fucking hilarious considering Dave’s eyes) seemed to hold him steady. 

There’s a lot that can be said about what it feels like to put on new clothes for the first time. Be it the first time you confirm your gender, or the first time you try a new fashion, or just the first time you get up the guts to stop dressing in the same hoodie every day like an insecure cartoon character. There’s tons of experiences, moments, rights and wrongs and tastes on the tip of your tongue that feels like you could shout with joy.

Dave felt like the sky, like the moon at night, like a million flashing stars with their own ticking ticking time that would never stop in a wave of infinite potential. He felt like maybe he could do anything, maybe he could be anyone, maybe the notions of who he was that both he and the people around him agreed on could be challenged and changed from the inside.

And mostly, above all else, above the galaxies of depth and the space of breath.

Dave felt content.

He looked in the mirror. At the shiny bracelet on his wrist, at the colorful skirt around his waist. He wasn’t really sure what he was. He wasn’t even sure if there were words for how he felt. But he did think that maybe it was okay to not know. That the path of finding out was worth taking. 

Softly, the face in the mirror smiled. And Dave decided to let himself find out.

Besides, at the end of the day it’s all about what makes you happy. And right now? In this snapshot of eternity?

Dave was _fucking_ _ecstatic_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to every teen out there who has no fucking clue whats going on regarding gender or identity. I know my shit now, i'll continue learning my shit, one day you'll figure yourself out and you dont have to rush it. You don't need to stress over defining, you can wait until you're safe and ready. Just let yourself feel. Its okay to feel.


End file.
